Americans Need A Reality Check: An Ode To Those I Hate (OP-ED)

Dear America, I hate you so much right now.

Let me just start by prefacing this hate rant that’s about to happen by saying, I’m not a hater by nature. I typically try to get along with everyone I meet and know and can find the good in anyone even if they tend to drive me up the wall. I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be, so I can forgive other people’s imperfections and shortcomings.

But ever since November 8, I fucking hate everyone. The blackest, most rawest of hates. A kind of loathing imbued with the fires of Hell and no one is safe from it right now. I was fine with letting it eat me alive inside, but I can’t quell my ire and some things I feel need to be said, so here it goes.

Trump supporters, you gullible bastards, I will never forgive or forget you.

Let’s start with the easy group, first: Donald Trump’s supporters. Trumpies, I hate you. I hate you so much right now I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you. If I found a genie, my first wish would be to turn everyone who voted for Trump into actual potatoes. If given the chance I would scream in all of your faces until I blew an artery in my brain with my last words being “How fucking stupid can you be!?”

I was convinced Republicans had learned their lesson about electing a total dumbass into office, and here you go finding a bigger moron, the person who is the opposite of ready to be the President. This guy is no upside-down-book-reading-pretzel-choker, he is literally President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho from Idiocracy.

You liked him because he was “an outsider.” Do you also have a chimney sweeper perform your pap smears and cosmetologist work on your cars? In what kind of upside down world does a reality star and Twitter troll seem like he’ll make a good president? You liked him because he was going to change the system, but he doesn’t even know how that system works!

I could kick the world’s cutest baby right now, I’m so god damn irate over what you’ve done! Not just to me or other liberals, but to yourselves, to everyone, to the world. Your excitement over this election, to borrow a phrase from “Game of Thrones,” will turn to ashes in your mouth. The only solace I find in knowing that you people abundantly exist is that history will not be kind to you, of that I am sure.

Establishment Republicans, YOU did this.

Hey, you sensible conservatives who don’t support Trump, I hate your guts, too. Do you think you get a pass because you’re just now deciding against an obviously bad decision? You don’t get a pass because I blame you completely for Trump running for president in the first place. I will hang Trump around your necks for the rest of my life. You created Trump, you dumbed down your own voting base and fermented their hate to pull fast ones on them for your own benefit because you can’t win elections on your ideas.

You sat silently while your base spread Islamophobia, sexism and racism. You sat on your damn hands while this country slipped to the brink because of a recession the last Republican administration helped create. You created the very desperate people who voted for Trump because of the massive wealth transfer in this country, because your policies transferred that wealth. We can blame Bill Clinton for signing NAFTA, but I haven’t forgotten it was your party who put it on his desk. You have put this country last repeatedly, all in an effort to make one man, our president, look bad. And you failed at that. Now your party is failing upwards, but mark my words I will roast marshmallows on your party’s dying embers when the house of cards you’ve built crashes and burns.

Hillary Clinton’s supporters need some deep introspection.

I voted for Hillary Clinton because the alternative was worse but I knew she would lose the general election early in the primaries. I tried my very best to warn everyone, but you people were so god damned convinced she would win easily you wouldn’t hear of it. Well, eat this heaping plate of crow, because I hate you too. It’s not the same hate I have for Trump supporters, it runs much deeper because we’re supposed to be friends. You failed to listen to your own base because you’re arrogant snobs who think they’re right about everything all the time. You dreamt small and played it safe and lost big.

You stuck your noses in the air to any Bernie Sanders supporter you came across because you knew better, right? You called Sanders a kook, a blowhard, who would never accomplish anything and thereby wrote off everything he was saying. You called his supporters sexist, entitled, privileged, millennial brats and the Tea Party of the left. Well, guess what, you turned off your allies and destroyed Clinton’s chances of being president as a result. Anyone who says Bernie Sanders lost Clinton the election has the self-awareness of a carrot.

Clinton and her die hards lost her the election. It was your job and Clinton and her campaign’s job to generate enthusiasm, turnout and execute messaging and a flawless campaign strategy and it didn’t happen. She won the popular vote, sure. But none of that matters because she thought she had certain states in the bag because she’s just as arrogant as you.

Change your goddamned tune!

Hey, Bernie Sanders diehards, I hate you too.

Let me start by saying, we will never know if Bernie would have won the election so just shut up and stop with the hypotheticals. Fuck your protest votes, fuck your staying home on election day, and fuck your goddamn high and mighty principles. I voted for Sanders in the primary, but guess what? He didn’t win. And maybe, just maybe he didn’t win because millennials and the other groups who claimed to like him didn’t show up to vote for him because they’re awful and undependable like that. Or maybe he didn’t win because he failed to convince enough people he could win a general election because he couldn’t even define Democratic Socialism in less than 1000 words.

I know exactly how disappointing it is that he lost, but I got over it because I saw the bigger picture. Had you closed ranks, Clinton would be helping us get tuition-free college, protecting the social safety net, paid time off and sick leave, and a higher minimum wage. Bernie was successful in getting the DNC to implement the most progressive agenda they’ve ever had, and you still fucked it away. Because maybe you are all entitled brats that want it your way or the highway and have no sense of compromise.

Now you have nothing. You don’t have Bernie and you don’t have a shot at progressive policies for at least four more years. But principles, right!? Fuck you.

Everybody else, I hate you too.

If you care more about the Kardashians or whatever thing a fuck awful celebrity is doing instead of paying attention to your country, go to hell. One of the most infuriating things I hear is, “It’ll never make a difference so I don’t vote.” It’s infuriating to see so many apathetic people not caring about the direction of their country as if this thing runs itself and it’ll always be there. Government has an impact on you whether you’re buried nose deep in Kim K’s massive butt cheeks or not, so fucking pay attention!

ARGH! Okay, I’m done. I feel lighter.

Now, I don’t like this feeling of hating anyone (unless it’s Mitch McConnell, I love to hate him). So we’re going to have to fix some things so we can move forward. We’re all progressives and without progress we’re nothing. So stop the blame game, hug it out, and find some common ground so we can move on. Our new goal is to take Congress back in 2018 and the White House in 2020. We need to listen to each other and communicate better. Devolving into a spat in every comment section is not going to help us out of this dystopian nightmare we’re in. We need to join arms and fight like hell to stop Trump from ruining this shining jewel we have underneath our feet in the meantime.

Otherwise, we’re doomed. If Democrats can’t get it together and they roll over and let Trump and the entire government run over us, our rights and all the progress we’ve fought for, then we don’t deserve nice things.

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