My goodness, I love my job. Imagine you’re a liberal troll, fighting for good, goating for justice and soaking in the attention your narcissistic personality disorder requires…You turn around and BAM…You’ve managed to figure out how to do this for a living. You may never be wealthy, but still…
Is the world a better place because one asshole from New England plays with conservaturds like cats toy with cockroaches for hours on end each day? Probably not. However it is my right to express myself how I see fit, and I see fit to troll and tell stories.
I tell the stories to my control group of 125K imbeciles, professionally marketed to fit a specific demographic of human being: The Trumpster. The Trumpster will not only typically believe anything you tell them if it makes them angry, they will conceive things from headlines alone that boggle the mind.
They are the truly ill-informed and no amount of real information will ever change their minds. I’ve convinced them to embrace single payer because Trump said it made sense. I’ve seen them tear up their rights and agree that the government now own them. Toying with them is way too much fun. If you want to follow along with the story as it unfolded, click the bluelinks.
For the experiment these past few days, I’ve sold them a story about a raid on the Clinton compound in Chappaqua. It went from “FBI Raid” to coroner removes a body that was nothing but a skeleton. Miraculously, they had an ID for a woman who had disappeared from Houston in 1985 that was on her way to New York in under 10 hours when typically it takes between some months and some years, if at all. The condition of the body showed the woman had been brutalized and chained up for 15 years. Then they found the kill room, and Bill Clinton was removed from LaGuardia this morning by the FBI. He wasn’t in handcuffs.
Nothing in the story or about the story was true. None of it. The Clintons have a home there. True. The rest, which was quickly Snoped, is still churning through the conservaturdaverse, building in stupidity as it goes. This morning I ended it with a bang when the US Justice Department filed charges for murder, as reported by a source to LLOD reporter Skip Tetheluda.
As it turns out, the Clintons, who just bought the property in 2016, were cooperating with the investigation all along. The FBI source was quoted as saying:
The Clintons? Oh. You must follow Facebook politics. No, the ‘raid’ was an investigation that the Clintons were completely aware of and cooperated with fully. We picked President Clinton up this morning at LaGuardia to brief him. This whole thing happened when some meatball got ahold of a piece of information and spread it like wildfire through the halls of stupid that are conservative politics. They used a picture of the Kennedy Compound for Christ Sake.
After 2 days and 6 articles that a simple 30-second Google search could have been debunked — because that and books are where they hide stuff — I wrapped it up in nearly first-person with a trolly farewell:
It seems that what happened is a bunch of ill-informed people on the internet love to read about things that don’t actually exist. The troll group X-940 has taken credit for purchasing the entire story from Busta Troll, the poor man’s Borowitz.
That about wraps it up. Thanks for stopping by and having your cholesterol lowered and ham sandwiches are always best at high noon.
It’s good to be a troll.
So…with all of that behind them and this ridiculous story with an even more ridiculous ending in place, you’d think they’d have learned. Some bought the whole story without understanding or bothering to read past the point where they realized it wasn’t Bill Clinton. Some never clicked at all and just came to their own conclusion. Here is a conversation Grabbed in its entirety while the thread was fairly small:
Donald is a long-time liberal follower. We have many of those. He’s not very clever with his wording but he’s enjoying himself. I originally had to ban him because I thought he was just a conservative who had caught on and was gonna spam every thread until I saw him on the Busta Troll page and absolved him of his sins. At this point, I gain far more likes than I lose with every passing day. The madness continues:
People like Jo are why I do what I do. What did any of that have to do with Hillary Clinton? Nothing. Not a single iota of a thing. Seriously, just curl up in a ball waiting for the terrorists to come and get you until it’s over. Terrorism is the new FEMA. We can’t have the possibility of FEMA camps and martial law if Trump is in charge. It only makes sense when you need a reason other than “he’s black” to hate President Obama.
Whether you love what I do or hate it, do yourself a favor and have your over 16, voting in 2018 kids show it to every conservative kid they know. Tell them to ask those impressionable young minds if they want to be like these idiots. My daughter’s friends here in rural Maine certainly don’t. The future is a few votes brighter.
That makes it all worth it.