Breitbart Is Painting A Turd Gold And Calling It ‘Daddy’

To Milo Yiannopoulos Donald Trump’s victory is some sort of masturbatory fantasy come true. Yiannopoulos is the guy who famously got banned from Twitter last July for encouraging and participating in online harassment of actress Leslie Jones. He’s also an associate editor at The Donald’s favorite website, Breitbart.com.

It’s funny that the British Yiannopoulos would have his fingers in an American political site such as Breitbart. And it’s even funnier that he’s gloating over the U.S. election. However, the funniest thing of all is that he thinks that Americans elected Trump because we all have some sort of daddy fetish — as he apparently does.

Milo wrote a piece for Breitbart titled “What Trump Means” in which he mansplains to all of us poor uneducated lib’ruls and other assorted vermin just how “Daddy” is home now and there’s not gonna be any more tolerance for bullshit. Except that bullshit is all Yiannopoulos has to offer.

This is the first sentence of Milo’s Breitbart screed: “It happened. We won! We now live in the Age of Daddy!” He goes on to explain exactly what he thinks that means, writing about the “karmic rewards” Daddy’s opponents are about to receive. Somewhere in an Italian cemetery, Mussolini’s corpse must be smiling.

The Protesters

The first group Yiannopoulos targets are the protesters who have been out in various cities demonstrating against Trump’s election. He writes:

These protests continue to expose the hypocrisy and detachment from reality that runs like a red thread through the liberal establishment in America. Every voice on the Left bleated about how they feared protests and riots by angry Donald Trump supporters if (when) he lost the election, yet it is the leftists themselves destroying property and blocking roads.

Except that the protests have been mostly peaceful. In Portland, Oregon, one of the few places where some violence has erupted, that violence was caused not by anti-Trump protesters, but by anarchists who saw an opportunity. Portland police recognized who was responsible for the property destruction in a tweet.

Milo closes his attack on protesters with this:

Imagine violent protests during a Trump administration with Sheriff David Clarke or Sheriff Joe Arpaio running the Justice Department. I need a tissue all of a sudden…

Ah, Milo. Go back to the UK and come back when you understand that protests like these are handled by state and local authorities. The federal Justice Department has nothing to do with policing them.

Hoaxers

Yiannopoulos says that the attacks being committed by Trump supporters aren’t happening. He offers a story from conservative World Net Daily to refute one victim’s claims. Then he focuses on the story of Canadian Chris Ball, a gay film producer who alleges he was attacked in Santa Monica, California. Milo says that story is also false, and uses a Facebook post by the Santa Monica police and a Snopes report to back his claim. Except that neither of those sources say the story is false. The operative word is “unproven,” which is a fair amount of distance from “false.”

Establishment Republicans

Milo writes:

Establishment Republicans have a clear future: tough primary elections against Trump-like opponents intent on draining the swamp. Paul Nehlen was the prototype for this movement. His battle with Paul Ryan was just a little ahead of its time.

His reference to House Speaker Paul Ryan’s primary fight with anti-establishment Republican Paul Nehlen as an example of what GOP leaders have to look forward to is absolutely laughable. Dear Milo, in case you missed it, here are the vote totals from that race:

  • Paul Ryan — 57,364 (84.1%)
  • Paul Nehlen — 10,864 (15.9%)

I’m sure Ryan, McConnell, and the other Republican leaders are terrified at the prospect of being primaried by one of  “Daddy’s” anointed if those results are a hint of things to come, as Yiannopoulos suggests.

The Democrat Party

This is so ridiculous I’m not even going to remind Daddy’s boy that it’s “Democratic.” Yiannopoulos writes,

The big losers of the general election are busy making their defeat even larger. It’s like they confuse losing elections for the national debt. All of their pathos is aimed at Trump instead of fixing the reasons they lost the election.

“Big losers?” OK, the election results were not what Democrats were hoping for, obviously. They underperformed. But, there will be two more Democrats in the next Senate, and the party gained seats in the House. Then there’s that pesky little bit of fact that says Hillary won the popular vote. And not by a few thousand, or even the 500,000 that Al Gore won by. Clinton currently is ahead of Trump by close to a million votes, and that lead is widening. In every other democracy on the face of the earth, Hillary would be celebrating, and Milo would be writing about why Daddy lost.

Celebrities

Milo chides celebrities who said they would move elsewhere if Trump won.

Also, why did all of them plan to move to Canada, New Zealand or Australia? I thought they hated capitalism and white Anglo-American patriarchy? They should surely move to a socialist paradise like Venezuela, or a vibrant, exotic country like Pakistan. Anywhere but a capitalist, English-speaking country!

Isn’t it funny how immediately anyone who expresses concern about the country electing Yiannopoulos’s “Daddy” — THE original authoritarian figure in most people’s lives — suddenly hates capitalism, mom, apple pie, and Chevrolet? Maybe they’d just like to get away to a country that was inspired by America to create its own republic, and is managing to do democracy a hell of a lot better than we are.

The Media

And Daddy’s boy calls the rest of us whiners. It’s not even worth quoting from this section. It’s the same tired old shit we’ve heard from Trump and his associates since day one. “It’s not FAIR” is the gist of it. Trump has been treated poorly by the media. You know, the media that showed his rallies so incessantly that news networks began to look like Trump TV, often showing an empty podium as they waited for the man of the hour to arrive. The media that hired people like Corey Lewandowski, because they didn’t have enough Trump apologists on staff already. The media like Sean Hannity, who had to sit behind a desk to hide his erection every time he mentioned the name “Trump.” That media.

The Deplorables

Daddy’s foreign-born illegitimate child says people like him are free to be their racist, xenophobic, misogynist selves now that Daddy’s home. And thank goodness he got here just in time to save the constitution AND the Supreme Court, for good measure.

At a minimum, he’s a necessary course correction from the excesses of the social justice left. At most, he’s the saviour of the First and Second Amendments, protector of the Supreme Court and champion of the little guy. In other words: just what America needed.

Hey Milo, you spelled “savior” wrong.

Which brings me to my final observation. In Milo Yiannopoulos we have a Greek-born British citizen who is for some reason extremely excited about Big Daddy Donald winning the American presidential election. Hell, he doesn’t even live in the United States. He just drops in from time to time to tell us that he hates half of us. Isn’t he exactly the type of person Trump supporters should be telling to butt out of our business?

Featured image via Gage Skidmore/Flickr

Written By
More from Wes Williams

Pot Meet Kettle: Trumps Newest Twitter Accusation Might Be His Most Asinine Yet

President-elect Donald Trump decided to comment on the recount requested by Green...
Read More