Debate Commission Releases Topics For The Final Round — Trump Is Screwed

The Commission on Presidential Debates has released the topics that Chris Wallace at Fox News will be covering at the final debate on October 19th. Unfortunately for “fair and balanced” Fox, the topics aren’t “Benghazi,” “emails,” “have you ever been appointed by a court to defend a rapist” or “that time your husband cheated on you.” Wallace, one of the few semi-reputable journalists employed by the propaganda arm of the Republican party, will instead be forced to work those talking points into questions about actual issues with one vague “beat the crap out of each other” topic saved for the end.

Here are the topics, each to receive 15 minutes of attention, with a little bit of what we can expect from the candidates:

Debt and Entitlements

Expect Trump to go right to minorities on this issue since he’s abandoned any sensible campaign strategy and decided to instead incite as much hate and rage as he can from his loyal supporters, 99 percent of whom are racist white assholes. It’s my belief that this has become more about the Palin effect for Trump; securing a fan base for his post-election stupidity in whatever reality TV world he lands in. He will talk about the debt; the massive amount of debt; the terrible debt and his plan to resolve it, which will be “I built a great company.”

Hillary Clinton will address the reality that Republicans since Reagan have ravaged the Social Security Trust Fund, creating a vacuum of unfunded liability that is now more than half of the debt and the need to keep them from destroying it completely by privatizing our retirement.


There was a time when this would have been a great topic for Trump. Unfortunately, the Republican primaries, where you can simply say, “Build a wall, get them out, Muslims are bad, mkay” have passed. In this debate, Trump sees himself as “unshackled” because Republicans have been fleeing from him in droves. Look for him to go back to a hard-line stance, using the term “law and order” as often as possible.

Clinton will continue her effective talking points about kids who were raised here who are as American as apple pie, the jobs undocumented workers do that nobody else will take and the fact that legitimizing them rather than booting them out will create tax revenue in the trillions over the next decade.


Trump built a company. A great company. Possibly the greatest company the world has ever known. He has plans. He has the greatest plans. His plans are so great that he needs plans to talk about his plans. He created tens of thousands of (low-paying, non-union, screwed if you’re an independent contractor) jobs and he will negotiate deals like you’ve never seen. The best deals. Oh, and NAFTA. NAFTA. NAFTA. Clinton. NAFTA.

Clinton will mock him for everything he says and talk about infrastructure, free college and vocational training.

Supreme Court

Trump will talk about his list of 100 judges and the need for another Justice Scalia to shoot down every progressive ideology that comes his way. Yes,  the word here is “his.” Trump wouldn’t nominate a woman for this position if she let him grab her by the…

Clinton will talk about what we need to protect, the progress we’ve made and how important the next presidency will be to the future of our country.

Foreign Hot Spots

Donald Trump will say ISIS no less than 437 times. The fact that he couldn’t point at Aleppo on a map notwithstanding, he will talk about how smart he is, how awesome his super-secret squirrel plan to defeat ISIS will be when he gets one from the generals he’s smarter than and, of course, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are the founders of ISIS. We’re going to keep the evil Muslims from blowing you up at the mall.

Hillary Clinton will talk about rational foreign policy strategy, strengthen her position by espousing her experience and explain yet again that we need to strengthen our alliances with Muslim partner nations rather than vilifying them as “radical Islam.”

Fitness To Be President

Let the free-for-all begin. Clinton has the obvious upper hand in the battle of the “Wikileaks released a risotto recipe and Catholics need to re-think their archaic doctrine” versus “Trump admitted to sexual assault, is being sued for raping a 13-year-old girl, told a 10-year-old he’d be dating her in ten years and now has two women confirming that he is, in fact, a scumbag.”

RELATED: Trump Woke Up Early To Whine About The NYT Sexual Assault Story On Twitter–It Didn’t Go Well

All-in-all we can expect another 90-minutes of mud-slinging, with Clinton trying to court independents while Trump loses more voted from people who finally understand just how unqualified he is to be President.

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