If there’s one thing people in New America hate it’s a lazy freeloader. After the Democalypse of 2014 and the subsequent election of our new supreme leader, Donald Trump, we’re now lucky enough to live in a society where taking has become a thing of the past and picking yourself up by the bootstraps and succeeding on your own are the only ways to survive.
America has now officially reached the pinnacle of its greatness. To safeguard our newfound freedom from beggars and losers who refuse to get jobs if they’re hungry or in need, Republicans created the New American Zenith Institute to study waste in our country and report back on how best to eliminate it. On the top of the list were the lazy sons of bitches who get a service called “Meals on Wheels,” which is nothing more than free, gourmet food delivered right to their door.
Can you believe this sh*t? How many times have you come home from work and just not had the energy to cook and decided to order some food instead? Is it ever free? F*ck no. So why are these people so friggin special?
According to N.A.Z.I, these assholes are leftovers from the Obama administration’s “give away free stuff and people will vote for you” agenda of making America lazy again. They have no jobs and expect you, the American taxpayer, to foot the bill for their free ride. Here are some examples of these piles of human trash:
Look at this woman. Her name is probably Ruth or something. Here she is looking happy as a pea in a pod as some enabler hands her a free meal in what looks like a much fancier serving container than many Americans working 70 hours a week have at their house. Check it out. Does she look destitute to you? She has a couch and a carpet and something to read…that wheelchair looks pretty spiffy too. Betcha that cost you at least a few hours work to buy for her.
Time to get off your ass and do for yourself, Ruth. No more freebies!
Look at this piece of work. Not only can she get up and walk to her front door to get her government handout, she’s got a tray of food piled so high it looks like she’ll have a hard time carrying it. What is that, pudding? How many times a week do you get free pudding with your meal? None? Yeah…thought so.
There she is with her cute little haircut you probably paid for in her nice brick house with the lovely little mailbox. Does this look to you like someone who needs help? Looks to me like someone who would be just fine saying “Welcome to Walmart” for a living rather than expecting to skate through life like this.
How do you like this? It looks like some lucky bastard is gonna get TWO freeloader meals here. That’s not Beefaroni, either. Spaghetti with marina and fancy cut carrots and franks and beans with…something that looks purpley and delicious? Typical working Americans would pay $10 for quality Hungry Man meals just like those at the local market. Whoever is getting these is getting them for free. Well…free meaning you and I are paying for it. Disgusting.
This just takes the cake. This guy, who is fit enough to use some kind of a yard tool with a handle or possibly a broom, isn’t just getting a double dose of free food as a reward for his lazy ways, he’s having it delivered by an American hero. I mean…look at that fancy uniform. That guy must be an Admiral. Sure, he’s probably delivering on some “volunteer” program that’s costing us an arm and a leg. This guy was probably some kind of veteran who served in a war 100 years ago, but what’s he doing about terrorism and ISIS today? Put your uniform back on and earn that food, slacker.
These people are the worst America has to offer. “I’m old.” “I’m disabled.” “I fought against Hitler in 1944.” Boo f*cking hoo. your country needs you to give up your free ride so we can increase military spending and allow rich people to put tax-free money into savings accounts for health care. Speaking of, how much do you want to bet these burdens on society are also getting free doctor visits and discounted medicine? Such a disgrace our country has become.
To help make the case for these pieces of American baggage, a video was released that helps condone giving away free stuff to the “needy” because it also provides them with “companionship”:
Yeah, great. So the poor lonely folks need some human interaction. We’re not buying it. Go out and play some bingo after work. That’s right…WORK! “Waaaaaah…I’m 82 and worked for 50 years and retired and lost all my money when Bush crashed the economy.” Suck it up, buttercup. Your safe space is no longer gonna be filled with mountains of free sh*t on our dime.
This post is political satire. If you accuse me of being cruel so help me I’ll hunt you the f*ck down and set your free Obama iPhone on fire.