Sarah Palin Lets The Voices In Her Head Write Her Most Jaw-Droppingly Absurd Article Yet

Did you know that we get around 72% of our oil from Canada, Latin America, and right here at home?

Sarah Palin sure as hell doesn’t. But then, if you dug a hole in your back yard and filled it with everything she knew, you’d have room for the rest of the observable universe. I speak this with confidence because it’s the only message that you can walk away from after reading a piece that she recently published in Young Cons, delightfully entitled “Screw Arab Oil, Here’s What We NEED To Do . . .

Well the first thing we NEED to do is cram this woman back into the idiot box she came out of. But since that’s not happening, I’ll settle for the next best thing: a careful dissection of every stupid point in her writing.

Permian, ANWR, Prudhoe, Bakkan…. and so much more. NOW is the time to shut off the Saudi oil cartel flow valve and develop our own God-given natural resources. The only excuse not to become energy independent is a political excuse.

More than 2 million barrels of oil a day flow out of the Permian Basin, which is roughly equivalent to the amount of bullsh*t Trump posts on Twitter in an hour. Currently, the Permian Oil Basin is one of the largest producers of oil in the United States. Because of the geology, fracking and horizontal drilling are the two primary ways to extract both the natural gas and oil in this region.

The “Bakkan” fields are in a similar situation. The Bakken Formation is a large formation of oil in North Dakota, Montana, and parts of Canada, but because of the lithology, there were technical difficulties previous to the 1950s and even into today. Technical difficulties I’m sure Palin can appreciate, since Google clearly malfunctioned and gave her the wrong name when she did whatever passed as “research” for this godawful train wreck.

She continues:

The inherent link between energy and security, and energy and prosperity, is real and recognized by every American except sketchy politicians and deceived faux environmentalists. We have the resources, we have the technology, we have the manpower. America has the highest environmental and worker safety standards in the world… it’s time to say, “Screw Arab oil. We’re making America great again!” We’ve always led in oil, gas and mineral development innovation. Let’s tap it. 

That statistic I gave above? Yeah, let’s just ignore that. Let’s also ignore that we get something like 12% of our oil from the Middle East. She said “Make America Great Again,” and that’s the thought-terminating cliché of the 21st century. Did the car break down? “Who cares, we’re Making America Great Again.” Did the dog crap on the carpet? “We’re Making America Great Again.” Did the microwave burn your hot pocket? “We’re making American Great Again.” Did a sex offender who raped a 13-year-old get elected as leader of the “free world”? “We’re Making America Great Again, damn it!”

And here at home, shovel out the BS “Peak Oil” claim that demands we abandon conventional energy sources in favor of unrealistic, uneconomic, unreliable, lobbyist- driven green energy boondoggles. Drill now while we shore up realistic renewables for a legitimate “all of the above” future energy plan.

Yeah, let’s just ignore experts and trust some folksy idiot who can’t even get the name of the oil field she promotes drilling in right. Oil is never going to run out.

I wonder if she realizes how much like a drug addict she sounds when she says this. “Oh, I’m just going to ween myself off heroin by taking even more heroin until methadone prices go down.” It’s fitting, since Big Tobacco, one of the biggest drug cartels in the world, actually learned from Big Oil, another huge cartel.

And as for the practicality of renewable energy? Germany can power their country using solar energy. Germany, of all places. You know, the warmest, sunniest place this side of the North Pole. Even if Trump pulls the tax credits, green energy isn’t going away — unlike the actual North Pole, which is in a death spiral as we speak.

Be ready for faux environmentalists – with their disdain for American jobs dressed in Carhartts and steel-toed boots –

It’s a good thing she said “faux” environmentalists, because the real ones I know are concerned with ocean acidification, what kind of world we’re going to be leaving for our grandchildren and species extinction, not putting Americans out of work– unlike Republicans, who seem to revel in high unemployment.

to target this massive Texas find, despite all common sense and responsible reason to explore and produce.

Wait, what Texas find? When did she mention “this massive Texas find” before now? Sarah, “ANWR,” one of the things you led with, stands for “Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.” That’s not in Texas, you jackass, it’s in Alaska. You know, the state you ostensibly live in.

She might be talking about the Permian Basin, which is in Texas, but like I noted before, we’re already using that.

It’s time to unleash the private sector on new refineries, rigs, pipelines, infrastructure, service provisions, etc… all basic needs for more responsible domestic extraction, and all leading to the USA boom our working class deserves.

The only “boom” is the sound of my head exploding from this stupid. The working class deserves something, and judging from how they voted, a male Sarah Palin in a position of authority is that thing. Unfortunately, the rest of us don’t, but that’s what the rest of us are going to get, too.


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