Earlier this week, the Boy Scouts held their annual Jamboree, and as is the usual tradition, they rolled out the red carpet for President Donald Trump. Trump, being Trump, promptly turned the Jamboree into an event eerily reminiscent of the Nuremberg Rallies, had the Nuremberg Rallies been a giant whine-fest orchestrated by Hitler because nobody liked him.
Still, the event caused a shift in the Boy Scouts as an Organization, who announced today that they would be rolling out three new merit badges in honor of the President of the United States of America: The Fake News merit badge, the 3AM Tweet merit badge, and the Pussy Grabbing merit badge.
“We’re really excited,” the Scout Leader behind the new merit badges said. “It’s a good thing that Donald Trump was there to set us straight and help us see the proper way. So, it’s with great honor that we announced our three newest merit badges, designed to honor the president.”
To obtain a merit badge, scouts have to go through a long process that involves filling out forms, speaking with a Merit Badge Counselor, and eventually, displaying a mastery of the skill in the presence of a Merit Badge Counselor. The Counselor tests the scout on the various points of the activity, and if the Counselor is satisfied, then the scout earns the badge.
“Some scouts may find some of these badges easier than others,” the Scout Leader said. “The 3AM Tweet merit badge is easy, but the Fake News merit badge is a little more difficult; that requires an internship at Breitbart or Fox. But like all things, they require practice more than anything. Our eventual hope is that scouts will some day be able to take what they’ve learned mastering these badges to positions of authority, like the President of the United States did.”