What will they think of next? Conservatives are crediting Tim Tebow for his heroic efforts at doing nothing at all to save a fan who collapsed into a seizure as he was waiting to get an autograph from the washed up athlete.
Daniel Kelly recounted the tale. He and his wife met a fellow named Brandon earlier in the day when they were attending a sporting event where Tebow was participating. As Tebow mingled with the fans, Brandon collapsed onto the ground while he was getting a baseball autographed.
Kelly then described how instead of doing anything productive, like calling paramedics, both he and his wife began to pray. During their sending of positive vibes, Daniel peeked and saw that Tebow was also praying while he had his hand on Brandon’s thigh. A few moments later, Brandon came around and regained consciousness.
This was all conservatives needed to declare Tebow the vessel of God’s power on earth.
The Daily Caller ran the headline Tim Tebow Saves Fan From Seizure After Laying His Hands On Him And Praying. Yes, they’re acting like the guy who can’t properly lay his hands on a football can somehow manage to cure seizures through magical, inappropriate touching.
The internet noticed and was quick to respond in a way that was truly appropriate:
@KariVanHorn but he can’t hit it out of the infield apparently
— Barrett Pfeiffer (@bpfeiffer22) October 11, 2016
@GregMonahan was spot on with what he said. Reports from witnesses said that the individual came out of the seizure on his own a few moments later.
@KariVanHorn yeah I had a seizure and woke up after a few seconds, too. That’s how it works. He might not be god imho
— Greg (@GregMonahan) October 11, 2016
@p_sway reminds everyone that if Tebow had an authentic pair of magical God hands, his ability to handle a football would probably have been better.
— Swayze (@p_sway) October 11, 2016
The absolute best response, though, comes from @realBRiANMURPHY with one simple picture.
— Legarrette Stunt (@realBRiANMURPHY) October 11, 2016
At least Tebow has a better end to his career path in faith healing now if this whole baseball thing doesn’t work out for him.