So I’ve got this cousin, Johnny, who lives down the street from me. Johnny really isn’t all that bright but he was elected president of the HOA. The only reason he won was because of the pick-up truck driving, red cap-wearing beer guzzlers who congregate on Johnny’s front dirt patch every evening. They wedge themselves into those sun-baked cracked plastic chairs that teeter and sway the more drunk they get. They think Johnny is a badass and they showed up to vote for him.
This dude is living in a trailer behind grandma’s house. He works, but he doesn’t spend his money on stuff like food or education – he just likes to shoot his guns.
He has stockpiles of weapons and ammo and when the gun shows are in town he doesn’t ever miss it. His couch is slowly falling through the rotting floor of his trailer – but omg look at the new chrome finish on his .357!
Johnny had a problem with the asshole neighbors. Now, mind you, the neighbors are absolute assholes – or at least the father is and he abuses his family. One night the dad went on a rampage and really beat the shit out of his family. Well, Johnny wanted to show off for his buddies and he had a gun he had never had the chance to shoot. It was the perfect opportunity to use it! So he bought a crazy expensive ammo for the sole purpose of blowing holes in his asshole neighbors’ empty dilapidated shed. It wouldn’t have been empty, but the night before, Johnny told his most untrustworthy friend his intentions. That friend happens to like the asshole neighbor. So they moved everything out of the shed except a broken lawnmower and a couple of cardboard boxes of old magazines.
Obviously, Johnny’s little public bullet ejaculation caught the ire some of the neighbors in the community. They wagged their fingers at Johnny, but since he was still holding his biggest gun, they didn’t get too bent out of shape.
Johnny drones on and on about all the new people moving into the neighborhood being thugs and delinquents. He says that those people will destroy our neighborhood.
He is convinced that he keeps the neighborhood safe with his gun powder theatrics, although most of the community disagrees.
Now, the whole town is stuck with Johnny and his antics all because a bunch of ignorant buffoons thought his machismo was somehow a quality needed in a leader.