Since inauguration day, liberals have had the pleasure of poking fun at the fact that Melania Trump refused to leave her gold-plated triple-penthouse in Manhattan for the White House. Every possible “I wouldn’t live with him either” meme landed on Occupy Democrats, meaning millions of shares of an idea that was, quite honestly, a pure crock of shit.
Melania stayed in Manhattan to see that her son, Baron, who many have speculated may be on the autism spectrum, finished school in his typical environment. As the parent of an autistic child, I can say that making that decision most likely came with zero thought. Now that school is over, she and Baron are full-time residents of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
So, the left loses their little snickering point, which is OK because there will certainly be many more. The wait didn’t last, as Melania couldn’t make it past day six without showing the world her marriage is a sham and having an affair with a member of the historical cleaning crew in the same coat closet JFK is said to have fondled Marilyn Monroe.
It all started with an argument over the drapes in the Oval Office. Melania is just plain tired of all the gold. She said something about liking the drapes Obama had and Trump flipped his lid:
“Don’t you ever say that…black man’s name in this office again. He was terrible. Horrible. A complete disaster. I made deals my first day that are better than he can when his whole administration and the terrorists and can someone tell me why he’s not on a terrorist watch list himself? The guy is dangerous.”
After quite the blowout, Trump told Melania to go have her silicone firmed up, take her collagen and get some beauty sleep before the crow’s feet in the corners of her eyes fill with water and require a small boat to get across. She reminded him that while he might be rich and powerful, he’s also fat and stupid, while she can get whoever she wants whenever she wants.
Melania then proceeded to waltz out of the West Wing and strut down to the East Room of the mansion where she grabbed Marcus Kingston, an employee of the National Parks Department who safely cleans historical artifacts and dragged him into the executive coat room to have her way with him.
President Trump wasn’t far behind. He stormed in on the two in the act and shouted “Goddamit, Mel!” She ignored him and kept serving the Portuguese Breakfast her new friend had ordered. He became extremely agitated as he said, “You really are a nasty little bitch” and turned on his cell phone to record the ending. “You always were just my type.”
The Secret Service spent the better part of an hour collecting footage and issuing gag orders to anyone with any knowledge of the incident until Melania walked into the press room and announced that she had just swallowed the potential children of a man who wasn’t her husband. Sean Spicer interrupted her to deny the allegations, saying that the First Lady is dedicated and devoted to her husband. Period.
After some back and forth and yet another day as a national embarrassment, the Trump administration decided to shut down for the evening, reminding the people that the only reason any of this is happening is that Hillary and the Democrats are still pissed off that they lost. By morning this will have never happened unless you want to be called “fake news” and banished to the building across the street with CNN.
It’s marked satire for a reason. If you don’t like it, please move along.