Donald Trump has decided that as President of the humans, especially the blacks — he does really well with the blacks — and Supreme Overlord of the Universe that the laws of Twitter just should NOT apply to him.
There are a couple of things that bother him about the current state of affairs at the world’s #1 ranked 140 character maximum social media platform. First, there are the 140 characters. Not nearly enough. Then there’s the no editing thing. Big league disaster. In order for the President of the United States to effectively deliver his message to the people, he deserves more.
To facilitate the issue, Trump issued Executive Order 71968P, making Twitter the official social media platform of the Office of the President, essentially deputizing it as a federal agency. Now under the purview of the Chief Executive, Trump issued another order that clarified his new account properties:
Twitter shall, at the command of their Chief Executive, allow the President’s official and personal accounts to have the following restrictions expanded or removed:
- The President is allowed an unlimited amount of characters if an announcement is of national urgency. Otherwise he shall be restricted to 1,206 characters.
- The President shall, at his sole discretion, have the right to change, edit, delete or modify any post he likes any time he likes.
- Attacking the President (trolls and fake news) on Twitter now that it’s the official platform of the Oval Office contitutes treason.
The new rules for the President are set to go into effect at midnight. Trump says he’s excited about the new changes. Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey said he talked to his lawyers who assured him that Trump is absolutely delusional and in no way has the power to actually do any of the things he thinks he’s doing:
“He’s cute when he gets all tough guy and forgets how America works. We’re gonna let him think the changes took effect for about 3 minutes then when we reset his account we’re gonna unban all the trolls just for good measure.”
Dorsey says he’s looking forward to weeks of mockery and laughter at the Butternut Bigot’s expense.
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