According to the White House, President Trump is due to speak on the phone with Russian President Vladimir Putin, this Tuesday at 12:30 p.m. This proves quite the conundrum for both the White House and the Kremlin, for as yet no one has managed to figure our how they can get Putin’s forearm and oversized grip up into Trump’s puckered and tired sphincter.
Then there is, of course, the predicament of almost 5,000 miles — as well as a possible terms and service violation on the part of the wireless phone company in question. Both sides of the geographic and political divide are pulling a furious all night Facetiming session, trying to finally collaborate on the one thing that can bring both political sphere’s together, Putin’s hand through Trump’s puppet gusset. An unnamed White House spokesperson confided off the record.
We may have to wait until both men are in fact in the same room. This is unfortunate as we have been trying to avoid such an overt display of in real life association. Snapchat has been perfect for the President’s vocabulary needs so far.
This of course raises its own questions, will there be a secret panel through the bottom of Trumps chair, or will they go with the solid standby of Trump sitting on President Putin’s knee?
All we can divulge is, Sean Spicer is currently letting out the President’s favorite pants.
Spicey has the best job. The greatest job. Period.