Sarah Palin Wants Everyone To Know How Much Jesus Loves Guns

It’s the Easter season again, and conservative “Christians” are giving thanks that Jesus was a Republican. One of those Christians who is happy that Jesus believes the exact things she does is, of course, the half-term former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.

Palin took to her low traffic website on March 31 to celebrate the Easter season by telling everybody how much Jesus wants Americans to own guns. She starts her commentary with the following Bible quote:

He said to them, ‘But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.’
Luke 22:36

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That is followed by this terrible attempt at humor:

I encourage people to carry a gun…because a cop is too heavy.

Then she adds this:

Jesus told His disciples to be ready to defend themselves. He wanted them armed in case they had to beat back thieves, cutthroats, and other bad guys. They didn’t hide their swords; they were, you might say, practitioners of open carry!

But Palin, a typical “Christian” conservative, pulls out the verse she likes and ignores what is around it, like verse 38:

They [the disciples] said, ‘See, Lord, here are two swords.’ ‘It is enough,’ he replied.

If Jesus was talking about open carry, why did he say that two swords were enough for 12 disciples? Wouldn’t he have wanted all of them to be armed? There are varying interpretations of the passage that Palin thinks means Jesus wants his followers to pack heat, but almost all of them agree that the swords had nothing to do with protection against criminals.

Palin also says that Jesus wasn’t “delicate, vulnerable, or timid.” But she misses the fact that when he was arrested, not only did he not fight, he told Peter, who was ready to fight, to put away his sword. Jesus added, “all who draw the sword will die by the sword.”

That Jesus, he was a complicated guy — far too complicated for the feeble minded such as Palin to comprehend. He hung around with “bad dudes.” He told his followers to obey the laws of man as long as they didn’t conflict with the laws of God. He told them to pay their taxes and not complain. And he told them to be non-violent martyrs for their beliefs. (“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.” — Luke 9:24)

Palin’s drivel appears to be too nonsensical for even her most ardent fans to spread around. As I write this, over 12 hours since her piece was posted, it has exactly zero shares. None.

When I think of the Christianity of Sarah Palin, this Bible verse comes to mind: Jesus wept.

RELATED: Sarah Palin Wants Your Children To Stop Being Lazy, Unemployed Freeloaders

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