Staffers say you could always feel the tension between Press Secretary Sean Spicer and Krypt Keeper Kellyanne Conway. “They turned into such loving, magical beings when they were near each other,” said one aide, “Which was odd because separately they’re horrible human beings with putrid manners who everyone wants to spit on and kick into unconsciousness.”
With all that’s happened with the Russia Investigation coupled with an embarrassing stint in the bushes he’ll never live down, Sean Spicer had been slowly declining into an obvious depression. It wasn’t until Trump realized Kellyanne was female and stopped asking for her advice that she had enough time freed up to have a personal life and started spending a lot of time with Spicer.
As things progressed, Kellyanne became Spicey’s friend and surrogate therapist. Him being the most public face in the White House and her sidelined for having a vagina, they found that the more they went off together privately, the more people figured they were doing something illegal and left them alone. Before long, they found themselves naked in the gutter of the Nixon Bowling Alley.
Rumors began circulating in the West Wing when the pair would spend hours on end in the gender neutral bathroom together with the door locked. A staffer said, “sometimes you could hear laughter; sometimes they cried. It was really odd, listening to what sounded like human emotions coming from purebred spawns of Satan.”
Finally, the rumors reached the Oval Office and the pair were called to answer for their sins. After spending the night alone discussing the matter with Donald, Melania and The Gimp, they reached the conclusion that they could just deny anything ever happened, refuse to take questions from anyone but Fox News for a few days and pretend everything is normal. So…Standard Trump White House operating procedure.
As of now, the affair between Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway never happened unless you want to be called “fake news. Comprendo? If anyone asks, it’s only an issue because the Democrats are still mad that Hillary lost. Benghazi.