Tanning Salon Industry Blames Obama Because People Don’t Want To Buy Skin Cancer Anymore

The tanning salon lobby (yes there’s even a lobby in Washington D.C. for tanning salons) is outraged, furious, and looking for an excuse as to why Americans no longer want to pay them money to get skin cancer.

They, aided by Fox News, know exactly who to blame. It’s that damned dictator Obama’s fault that almost 10,000 of the 18,000 tanning salons across America have closed.

It surely couldn’t be because people are more aware of the cancer risk of tanning beds these days. It also couldn’t have anything to do with the mockery that spray tanning has gained, thanks to TV shows like The Jersey Shore. Right?

The industry is blaming a 10 percent tax that the Affordable Care Act has added onto the industry’s services (you know, to help pay for all the skin cancer treatments) for the fact over half of the nation’s tanning salons are closed.

Let’s get down to some facts and numbers, shall we?

Unlike Republicans, I used a little tool called the internet to do some checking on pricing for tanning salons. I understand prices vary from state to state, and even salon to salon. However, when you’re dealing with a percentage, the “cost” is always going to be the same ratio.

Here are some prices for a salon that was found in New Jersey.

tanning prices

6 dollars per session is their most expensive option. A 10 percent tax would be an extra 60 cents per session. Nobody cares about an extra 60 cents per tanning session enough to not buy it.

Look at it this way. A McDonalds McDouble burger on the value menu used to be $1. It’s now $1.39. McDonalds has not closed over half of their restaurants and has not stopped selling the McDouble. That is a 39 percent increase.

Ignorant people with too much money who own tanning salons do not care about the facts. Chris Sternberg, Senior Vice President of Sun Tan City — which is a corporate franchise that has 300 salons in 22 states — had the following to say:

When I go to vote, I’m supporting candidates who are pro-business and who want less government involvement, less government regulation.

Translation: I’m too stupid to understand that I’m selling skin cancer to people, and I can’t figure out why they no longer want to buy it.

Kim Arnold from upstate New York claims she had to close her third salon because of the tax. She claimed that somehow her customers knew that it was Obama stealing a few cents per tan from them, and they boycotted her store over it. Why do I not believe her?

If a person was going to spend 10 bucks on a tan this month, they’ll spend 11 bucks on a tan next month. If they quit coming to your place, it’s because they don’t want your services anymore. It isn’t because of the scary Obummer ninja-appearing at the cash register and stealing a dollar from their wallets as he laughs and disappears in a puff of smoke. Until they understand that, these people aren’t qualified to own a business.

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