Thanksgiving Day is one of those love it or hate it holidays. That classification is mostly determined by who makes the invite list or if you really can’t stand eating turkey or turkey related foods. While I am one of the fortunate ones who will not experience the presence of Trumpers at my Turkey Day meal, I know I’m likely a minority.
Unfortunately, for many families this year, there is going to be a mighty big (orange) elephant in the room if the attendee list includes those who voted for President-Elect Whiney Pants. So, here is a list of items you may add to your last-minute shopping list to troll the hell out of your right-wing uncle Harold.
1. Cheetos. Duh.
2. Kitty Napkins
So everyone can grab a pussy (and hopefully not any others).
3. Educated Democrat Flask
Hand this out to the relatives you actually like and make sure it’s filled with Everclear (because it’s the strongest).
4. Goya Cola Champagne
Because it’s orange and fancy.
Bonus: It’s obtained from the ethnic food section of the grocery store, which will really chap their asses.
5. Vienna Sausages
They are Chief Cheeto Little Fingers approved.
6. Fresh Oranges
For obvious reasons, as well as taking care of some early holiday shopping. During the Great Depression, Santa placed oranges in Christmas stockings because other sweet treats were simply too expensive to buy.
Oh yes, that will Make America Great Again.
7. Lady Fingers
Because, why the hell not?
Even if it’s just so you can set the box on the kitchen counter to see the looks on their faces when they think they will be eating vegetarian Thanksgiving “turkey.”
9. Black Friday Ads And A List Of Store Opening Times
To encourage an eat and run situation. Oh look, JCPenney opens at 3 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. I bet they will have SUPER sales!