The TL;DR Liberal Troll Post You Don’t Want To Miss

While you were out marching for gay rights or reading a fucking book or otherwise not being a total fucking asshole today there were bigoted RWNJs protesting AGAINST SCARY PHANTOM SCENARIOS IN WHICH MOOZLIMZ! REPLACE THE CONSTITUTION WITH SHARIA LAW.

Because if it weren’t for straw men like THE IMAGINARY MENACE AND NONEXISTENT SCOURGE OF SHARIA LAW to knock down these idiots couldn’t win a fucking argument.

I’m beginning to wonder if we SHOULD have gone with FEMA internment camps and guillotines at this point.

Sorry for the tl;dr of this AND ALL THE ALL CAPS. I WAS PISSED OFF AT THE IDEA OF INTERNMENT CAMPS FOR A RELIGIOUS MINORITY AND THIS IS HOW THESE PEOPLE TYPE ANYWAY.

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I know this one! A COUNTER PROTEST AT ONE OF YOUR IDIOTIC FUCKING RALLIES WOULD BE A WAY TO GIVE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO CAN SEE HOW UTTERLY AND TRANSPARENTLY FUCKING STUPID YOU ARE A CHANCE TO SCREAM AT YOUR BLOATED FUCKING FACES ABOUT HOW IGNORANT YOU FUCKING MISGUIDED BIGOTS ACTUALLY ARE.

Wake the fuck up: The same Constitution with that Second Amendment you love so much is already keeping Sharia law from being the law of the land BECAUSE IF A FUCKING LAW ANYWHERE IN THESE UNITED STATES COMES INTO CONFLICT WITH THE CONSTITUTION THE CONSTITUTION FUCKING WINS EVERY TIME.

That same Constitution you morons swear you love so much and understand so well also has a few other amendments like the one that says Muslims can practice their faith as long as they’re not breaking civil or criminal laws. Maybe you should fucking read it instead of setting up straw man arguments against the Great Imaginary Scourge of Sharia Law.

You gullible fucking goobers and your constant state of fear never ceases to amaze me: All 8 fucking years of Obama’s presidency we heard of how your guns were going to be taken away, how you were all going to get implanted with RFID chips, how FEMA was buying up all your precious ammo and putting up internment camps stacked with FEMA coffins for anyone opposed to the Obama “regime” where motherfucking FEMA guillotines awaited all you RWNJs WHILE THE KENYAN MUSLIM MARXIST WENT FULL JADE HELM AND INVADED THE UNITED STATES WITH A SECRET MUSLIM ARMY OR MAYBE IT WAS RED CHINESE SOLDIERS WEARING BLUE UN HELMETS I FUCKING FORGET AT THIS POINT.

Yet here you are with not a single fucking right or gun taken away from you getting riled up by someone pointing a finger at Muslims and screaming “Sic ‘em!” as if Muslims were to blame for your fucking problems. Newsflash: It wasn’t jihadis who ruined your fucking health by feeding you all those deep-fried corn dogs, deep-fried Twinkies and deep-fried Snickers bars and they sure as fuck didn’t force you to wash it all down with cheap beer and super-sized Big Gulps. You built that.

It wasn’t skeery brown people who shipped your job overseas OR INTO A FUCKING MICROCHIP after busting the unions that had been forcing businesses to offer competitive wages across the board. It wasn’t some distant Saudi who convinced you to drop out of community college or not even try to get a bachelor’s or post-graduate degree that would give you marketable fucking job skills in a 21st Century job market centered on fucking information technology or the fucking professions. You idiots are the ones who rolled the dice on factory jobs that required hoards of workers with at best a high school education ever being a thing again and you not only lost that bet UNDETERRED by facts, experience, economic trends and history, you elected a fucking charlatan that has you convinced he’s bringing coal jobs back.

He ain’t. It’s never going to be 1956 again. And we all have to pay the bill for your fucking ignorance just like blue states have been funding your shit social and economic policies since Reconstruction.

Maybe if you had studied economics, accounting, medicine, law, business management OR ANYTHING ELSE instead of watching Duck Dynasty, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 19 Kids and Counting or whatever the fuck it was that you were watching while you were swallowing deep-fried and/or processed foods chock full of meaningless calories and empty carbohydrates while swilling enormous portions of soda sweetened with high-fructose corn syrup or as much Bud, Coors or Miller as you could get your fat, sweaty hands on you would know that.

But nope, the same people who laughed all the way to the bank after convincing you that it was the inheritance tax that was ruining this country along with welfare mothers, that one surfer that Fox put on who eats food stamp lobster and all those illegals doing jobs you wouldn’t do at gunpoint, like cleaning toilets or picking vegetables, that are responsible for your diminishing economic clout now they have you convinced it’s MOOZLIMZ! that are the problem while getting you to vote for A THIRD FUCKING ROUND of trickle down while you vote AGAINST clean air, clean water and access to medical care.

It’s like the top 1% and their servants in the Republican Party who have already bled you dry and driven you to drink are just fucking with you at this point.

Well I have some more bad news for you: Those of us who have been wondering WHY IN THE SWEET FUCK you have been voting against self-interest for half a century are losing the ability to empathize with you and we’re throwing our hands up every time you shoot yourselves and half of us in the dick. We’re starting to root FOR atherosclerosis, meth and cirrhosis because we’ve grown tired of living in hope that you’ll realize you’ve been getting had for almost three fucking generations by now because we can see now that a critical mass of you idiots has to die off before we can start to have nice things again.

For fuck’s sake, it’s not Muslims you have to worry about, they’re the doctors treating your obesity, diabetes and opioid addictions; it’s ignorance, fear and despair that’s killing you fuckers off.


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