Are you bracing yourself for our country to be lorded over by an angry Cheeto? Do you not have enough money to move to a more sensible land? Do you need help getting back into the mindset of a grade school bully? Are you afraid that words like “demagogue,” “narcissistic” and “xenophobic” will get you beat up in this terrifying new world?
Well, look no further my friends! The good people at the sometimes esteemed news periodical Time have created a handy Trump Insult Generator. It uses very good words from the sphincter-esque mouth of the Orange One himself to expertly craft cheap shots for you to sling at anyone you meet through your day. Need a greeting for the cashier at the grocery store? Don’t feel like thanking that person who let the door slam in your face? Load this baby up on your mobile device and let it guide you through all your public interactions!
Here, I’ll start with myself:
Ooh! That stings! It both questions my intelligence and implies I have done things before to prove it. So cutting.
Now let’s try the name of the barista that mangled my order at Starbucks this morning:
You know what!? She (he?) should be! A venti green tea Frappucino double blended with coconut milk, no classic syrup and two pumps of raspberry should NOT be that hard! Goddammit, Julia.
Lastly let’s really fire this thing up and go for true innocence with the name of…my baby:
He did try to apologize for assaulting my right breast this morning. I won’t be accepting, kid. And I’m suing you for damages.
See! So easy. Try it out yourself!