The White House Easter Egg Roll didn’t go off as smoothly as it could have had the First Lady done what First Ladies have done for a century and a half and…gave a damn. The event, which came off as awkward at best, included an Easter Bunny with a look on his face that reflected how most Americans feel about the giant Oompa Loompa in the Oval Office.
When all was said and done and the event was over and considered a disaster, Trump needed a scapegoat…as usual. He couldn’t blame the vendors who weren’t given enough time to properly prepare or the PR people who did their best to make the event look like a success. He certainly couldn’t blame his wife or he may risk people thinking he’s some kind of misogynist.
He had only one choice left: The Easter Bunny. His remarks were unrelenting:
I told that Easter Bunny that I wanted the biggest and the best Easter this town has ever seen. I should have nown when he said maybe I should hold the event on easter like all the other presidents that there would be trouble.
First there were the eggs. They were very small. Very disappointing. I’m used to the hugest eggs. the best eggs. I have the greatest eggs. The baskets were also very tiny and not at all what I wanted. I wanted gold baskets with DVDs of the Apprentice for all the kids. This easter Bunny brought brown baskets. He should have known I don’t care for brown things.
He was a disaster. From the horrible kake glasses to the terrible fake ears he was as fake as a CNN report. A total disaster.
The Bunny released a statement after he learned that Trump was refusing to pay his fee:
I have officially joined the thousands of people who have ‘screwed by Trump’ on their resume. I went to the White House, I gave kids the eggs he told me to give them. I used his baskets. I even helped stop the kids from crying when Sean Spicer screamed at them while reading.
I’ve already alerted Santa Claus and The Great Pumpkin that they should avoid this nightmare and boycott doing any White house events. After being ordered around by Melania all day, all a bunny wants is a paycheck and a stiff drink. I got nothing. They said I could have a bottle of that leftover trump Vodka but it tasted like snake piss.
Trump supporters across the country have already begun their boycotts of the Easter Bunny for next year.