Sources close to the Trump inner circle are saying that the reason Melania Trump is staying in New York City while her husband botches his job running the free world is because he’s been having an affair…with himself. The revelation came after the First Lady joined Lord Cheeto at the White House for the Easter Egg Roll and caught him making out with himself in a giant mirror he had installed in the residence.
The mirror, which he named “Donald” and spends the bulk of his time with, is said to be his closest advisor and responsible for most of the decisions he’s made since taking the oath of office. His first disastrous raid on Yemen will go down as the botched mission of the decade, but Trump refuses to take responsibility. He says the Donald made him do it. Secret Service agents who have heard him arguing with the Donald mirror for hours on end are concerned for the sanity of their commander in chief and for the safety of the human race.
Melania has apparently given the Butternut Bigot an ultimatum after walking in and finding him naked with a tape measure putting lipstick on the mirror at about 3 feet off the ground: lose the mirror or buy yourself another wife.
Yeah…let’s keep this one short and sweet.
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