Trump Completes His Latest Round Of Hiring With The Perfect Ambassador To The Vatican

Voters elected Donald Trump because they wanted to shake things up and get away from business as usual. So far the president-elect’s picks for various administrative posts have been largely a collection of people whose ability to do the job is questionable at best.

On Thursday morning Trump selected a new ambassador to The Vatican. While this pick is likely to be controversial, there is no question the person selected for the job has a deep knowledge of the workings of the city-state.

Curiously, Trump has yet to say — or tweet — anything about the appointment, but the appointee tweeted his delight at accepting the job shortly after he received a call from the president-elect.


Steve Doocy of Fox News spoke to the Lord Of Darkness via phone on Fox and Friends, calling Satan a “friend of the show” who “goes way back with former Fox boss Roger Ailes.”

Satan told Doocy,

I was flattered that President Trump called me for this job. Of course I took it in a heartbeat. As you know, I was once part of the crowd the pope hangs with, until I got kicked out. Mr. Trump tells me he wants me to go over there and light a fire under Francis’s ass. You know he wasn’t too happy about that ‘bridges not walls’ comment.

Beelzebub went on to describe the qualities that make him perfect for the job.

Well, as you know, I’m well versed in the Christian religion. Jesus and I had a pretty famous discussion about all things God, and I’m pretty sure I kicked butt. President Trump wants things stirred up, and I’m just the man to do it. If Francis wants to bring up all of that ‘love your neighbor’ nonsense I’ve got a bunch of Old Testament fire and brimstone to lay on him.

Co-host Brian Kilmeade jumped in, wanting to know what über-Christian Mike Pence thinks of the appointment.

“Oh, he’s down,” Satan said. “You know, people like Pence…they don’t consider Catholics to be ‘Christians’ anyway. In fact, I’m not so sure this wasn’t his idea.”

Lucifer wrapped up by sending holiday greetings from the underworld. “Nixon and Reagan wanted me to say ‘hi,'” he said. “And tell Ann Coulter her room is ready. It’s right next to the one we fixed up for Alex Jones. I’m sure she’ll just love listening to his soothing voice 24/7 for the rest of eternity. And Steve, I’ll be seeing the rest of you folks from Fox eventually, too. Except Shepard Smith. I think there are other arrangements for him.”

So far there has been no response from Senators, whose job it will be to confirm the Evil One. But since so many of them are intimately acquainted with Satan and support his policies it’s likely he will sail through the confirmation process.

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