Picture Trump’s penthouse. In it, there’s a large metal cabinet with a Mexican standing inside of it. The cabinet has a big pane of glass on the front that says “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS.”
Trump broke the glass today in a panic, because lying and calling every woman who accused him of sexual assault a “fat ugly pig” has failed to convince America that he’s innocent of kissing women without their consent, groping a woman who sat next to him on a plane, sexually assaulting a magazine writer, groping a woman at Mar-A-Lago, groping a former Miss USA contestant, walking into the dressing rooms of underage teen pageant contestants while they were undressed and raping his ex-wife Ivana.
In a move that somehow manages to be surprising and not surprising at the same time, Trump blamed a Mexican for all his troubles. One of Trump’s advisers told the Wall Street Journal that Mexican billionaire and shareholder in the New York Times, Carlos Slim, as a major player in pushing a Clinton campaign conspiracy to convince America that Trump is a serial rapist and sexual assaulter.
Slim’s spokesman gave the following response to the Wall Street Journal:
“This is totally false,” said Arturo Elias, Mr. Slim’s spokesman. “Of course we aren’t interfering in the U.S. election. We aren’t even active in Mexican politics.” He said the contributions by Mr. Slim to the Clinton Foundation were a matter of public record.
“Carlos Slim is an excellent shareholder who fully respects boundaries regarding the independence of our journalism,” said New York Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. “He has never sought to influence what we report.”
Yup. It’s those damned Mexicans trying to stop America from “being great” again.
Trump is just pissed off that he didn’t get a cool name like Carlos Slim. Donald isn’t too bad of a first name, but… Trump? It sounds like someone farted into a couch cushion.