Trump Managed To NOT Be A Twitter Douche For All Of 2 Days–Then This Happened

President Elect Donald Trump. There. I typed it. I threw up in my mouth a little but I typed it. It’s still surreal, and I doubt I’ll ever fully give the man the respect that the office typically demands by default, but I will acknowledge at least that he’s about to be there and that I will use every minute I’m awake for the next four years to make sure he doesn’t stay.

That may sound harsh, but it is what it is. This man, who built a campaign on hate and rode to victory on the coattails of apathy, oversaw the theft of America by the white man…again…with false promises and a bag of beans.

OK, so I’m off-topic from the original title. Sorry…my brain is still a little bit scrambled by the thought of blue-collar rust belt workers voting for a man who made his living screwing them over for 40 years.

After managing to stay off of twitter for a whole two days, Trump came back with a nice mention of the Obamas, which was pleasant, followed by something especially Trumpworthy and stupid:

Seriously? Here I was, wondering if I was going to have to change my motif and call this idiot “President Trump” because maybe the overwhelming awesomeness of the office had changed him. Nope. I know now, after reading yet another Illuminati inspired, Alex Jonesesque tweet from a moron with no business in the office he visited today, that I shall continue calling him Lord Cheeto for the foreseeable future, but only if I’m not calling him a giant Oompa Loompa.

Trump is ridiculous. Peaceful protesters across the country have come out by the thousands to express themselves. Rather than do what a real president like Barack Obama would have done and point out that they were simply being Americans and doing what Americans do with their 1st Amendment rights, Trumplestiltskin instead kept whining about the media, whining like a petulant child.

Do you suppose he would have taken to Twitter to call the armed idiots who would have filled our streets in “revolution” had he lost unfair professional protesters? No. Not a chance. They would be patriots exercising their 2nd Amendment rights to overthrow the government.

But…protesters decided to take buses rather than walk, so their message is invalid.

You, President Elect Oompa Loompa, are a giant dick. You’re a pimple on the ass of humanity. You’re doing nothing but sucking up a good man’s air and watching you fail will be the highlight of my political punditry. I look forward to being here to make fun of your ridiculous “administration” full of Palins, Giulianis and Chachis at least until your own party figures out a way to dump you for the guy they made you take on as Vice-President, Mike Pence.

Oh, did you think they chose him because the two of you would get along? You’re adorable. Tick tock, Trump. Good luck holding on to that office…you’re gonna need it.


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