President-Elect Donald Trump wasted no time Wednesday morning removing the blemishes from his otherwise impeccable character left by the lying liberal media. Having run the most honest campaign in presidential history, Trump now seeks to remove the lies told about HIM from the record by going after those who told them so vehemently out of jealousy for his success.
Those liars include the New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, Politifact, Snopes.com and any liberal blogs that said mean things about Donald, Melania or any of his wonderful children. A spokesman for Trump said:
The liberal media loves to run their mouths about things they call ‘facts’ when clearly all the know how to do is play recordings of things Mr. Trump has said. Without any clear sources for their material it’s obvious that these hooligans should be dealt with the same way Hulk Hogan dealt with Gawker.
Throughout the campaign, the liberal media has told lie after lie about Donald Trump. They concocted crazy stories about him saying mean and denigrating things about women. It was all a lie, with the exception of a few dozen isolated incidents in which he said mean and denigrating things about women. They said he blamed China for the climate change hoax just because he tweeted it and that just because he told Howard Stern he supported the war in Iraq that he actually supported the war in Iraq. They lied and said that Muslims should be banned from coming to America until we figure out what’s going on, when what he actually said was that people from certain areas should be banned from coming to America if they happen to be Muslim.
Trump has been painted a racist when he clearly loves his black people and allows them full access to the entire campaign bus. He’s called a xenophobe but he loves immigrants who came here from Europe three generations ago. Oh, and Slovenian models. They’re the grooviest.
They have also tried to play up a false narrative that Trump thinks he knows more about military strategies than our own generals and that he somehow admires Vladimir Putin, who he says he doesn’t even know. Trump has probably played more games of Risk than any man alive and while 300,000 boots on the ground may not have sounded good to a weak little woman whose only experience was eight years married to a President, two terms as a Senator who served on the Armed Forces committee and a stint as our top diplomat, that’s what may be necessary to defeat the already retreating ISIS.
The lawsuit, which will be filed in the 9th District US Federal Court, seeks damages in the amount of eleventy billion dollars and an apology and retraction of all election coverage from the named defendants. Nothing short of erasing every mean thing they’ve ever said about Donald Trump will do. His spokesman said:
“When Mr. Trump becomes Mr. President the lying press will no longer be able to just print whatever they want to manipulate elections and defame our leaders. They’ll be more likely to prosper of they follow the “fair and balanced” approach of Fox News, which as you know features Megyn Kelly, who we think might have voted for Hillary Clinton. Very unbiased network. As long as the rest fall in line we shouldn’t have any problems.”
It’s about time somebody got that “free press” under control.