Trumpeteers Celebrate White House’s Plan To Bring Back Alien And Sedition Acts

The Trump Administration has been plagued by a number of problems from the very beginning. The most pronounced of these problems was the poor choice for president, followed shortly by the president’s poor choice in cabinet members and other government officials.

However, leaks have remained near the top of problems that have bedeviled this administration. Which is why it’s no surprise the Trump Administration promised today that it would employ a new technique for stopping leaks: re-instituting the Alien and Sedition Acts and going after reporters.

“This Administration remains committed to the American people and the rights of the American people as we see fit,” the press release from the White House stated. “That’s why the White House is taking these steps to ensure that the President is awarded the respect he deserves from all quarters of society.”

To that end, the White House plans to stop leaks by rolling back the First Amendment. And Trump’s supporters couldn’t be happier.

Related: Right Wingers Celebrate Teaching Of Bible In Public Schools With Dumb Facebook Comments

“I think it’s great that they’re gonna shut down those nasty lying liberal Facebook pages. You should never criticize the president unjustly,” posted one user, whose avatar was that of former President Obama above text reading, “Where’s the Birth Certificate?”

“Everyone should absolutely respect the president regardless who’s in there,” said another. “Trump deserves more respect than that socialist marxist [sic], Obummer ever did.”

“I personally want them to go after those fake news sites like CNN,” posted another user, who went only by the pseudonym Truthful the Truthy Truthteller. “Real news agrees with everything that I say and confirms everything that I believe. It’s about time we started shutting up people who say things that make me uncomfortable and therefore disagree with the Truth.”

Please Note: The above post is satire. Conservatives, as we all know, are internally consistent in their beliefs and would never support this administration going after the First Amendment like that just to silence liberals. And above all else, Attorney General Jeff Sessions would never subpoena reporters to stop leaksAfter all, if the election and Clinton’s emails proved anything, conservatives love leaks. 

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