Trump’s New Speechwriter Is the Most Qualified Person On His Entire Team

It’s no secret that our glorious supreme leader, Donald Trump, has had issues with his message. If you’re one of the knuckledraggers who actually swallowed his load of crap and voted for him, the message is perfect: Hate indiscriminately and you will be rewarded.


To everyone else, Trump sounds like a cross between a kindergarten student and one of his own illiterate supporters. To remedy the situation, the Trump team has hired a speechwriter who makes everyone else in his administration look like a complete moron by comparison.

America, meet Sally:


Sally is in 1st grade but she is already reading at a 3rd-grade level, meaning she is at least a year ahead of anyone Trump has managed to hire before her. She enjoys Dr. Seuss, Richard Scarry and Clifford the Big Red Dog. She’s also well read in Blues Clues and Franklin and while she doesn’t read L.L Milne on her own yet, her Grampy loves to read classic Winnie the Pooh to her while she naps with her binky.

Sally brings a depth to team Trump that goes beyond just cerebral. Her creativity in critical situations has shown through both in her art class drawings and her ability to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the recorder. As for imagination, her ability to cross Shopkins with Littlest Pet Shop brings a level of innovation that will have the senior staff in the West Wing reeling.

Here we were thinking we were watching the Trump administration in its death throes when all along they were putting together a plan to take their message to a level Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway and even Trump himself could only dream of.

Ride, Sally, ride…the merry go round.

This post is marked “political satire” for a reason. If you comment “fake news” on our Facebook page I’ll come to your house and spray paint “I Love Trump” on your cat.

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