After months of attempting to channel and invoke him, sources close to the White House have revealed that the Trump Administration has given up entirely on emulating him and will simply award the position of White House press secretary directly to the ghost of Joseph Goebbels.
“We are pleased to announce that the ghost of Mr. Goebbels will be joining us in our never-ending quest to supply the American public with the best and most well-articulated misinformation regarding the processes of the White House,” the press release reads.
Perhaps no role better typifies the chaos and disorganization in the White House as the role of press secretary. Mr. Goebbels will be assuming the role hot on the heels of out-going press secretary, Anthony Scaramucci, who held the position for less than two weeks, and himself was the replacement for Sean Spicer, the man who held the role for around six months.
Mr. Goebbels arrives in the administration with a long record, stretching back to 1930 and beyond, when he took on a similar role in Germany. Goebbels served in that position throughout the 1930s and into early 1940.
“I understand a lot of the same positions that the Trump Administration is taking,” the ghost of Mr. Goebbels said in an accompanying press release. “Opposition to globalization, suspicion of outsiders — Mexicans, Jews, Arabs, it doesn’t really matter who it is — ultra-nationalistic rhetoric casting dissenters as enemies of the country and preying on Middle-Class angst, attacking the media in an attempt to create a separate narrative of reality — I’m deeply familiar with all of these positions.”
Mr. Goebbels expressed exuberance that he was once again relevant, but was cautious at the same time regarding the current state of the Trump Administration.
“I’m more than happy to show these amateurs how real propaganda is done,” Mr. Goebbels continued. “But at the same time, I’m not sure even I can save this administration. I’ve already signed on with a ship like this once, and really, this feels almost like it’s a step backward in terms of quality and competence.”