I think everyone can agree that this election has gone on far too long. Whether you’re a Clinton fan, a party loyalist or just despise Donald Trump you’ll probably agree that things would be so much easier if we could just elect Barack Obama again. The man with eight years experience and zero scandals that weren’t manufactured by idiots like Trump and the low-hanging fruit he panders to would be a joy right about now.
We could sit back and just replay those wicked burns from the White House Correspondents’ Dinners over and over again, replacing all campaign ads and dismissing Trump as a fool with a following. President Obama’s campaign slogan would be simple:
Let me be clear: Donald Trump is an idiot.
Alas, there’s that pesky 22nd Amendment, pushed through after FDR by Republicans and Southern Dixiecrats to somehow invalidate the legacy of the most progressive president the country had ever seen. With The New Deal on the books and unprecedented financial security on the horizon, The GOP began the process of stepping on the little guy with it’s newfound love for money and the loss of their liberal base.
While Hillary Clinton is the most qualified person in recent history to run for the highest office in the land and will continue to build upon the progress we’ve made under number 44, I just can’t shake this feeling that we’d have all been wearing party hats and dancing in the streets by now if we were staring down the barrel of Trump v Obama.
Instead of laughing at more birther nonsense, conspiracy theories about the Muslim Brotherhood living in the Lincoln Bedroom and Islamic prayer curtains in the East Room, we’re stuck in a never-ending loop of emails that bear at least enough significance for the FBI to get involved, which was the catalyst for Bernie or Busters to go full Alex Jones and all the fuel the right needs to inundate social media and the airwaves with mindless drivel and twisted anecdotes.
We all know there is no real scandal here. The Wikileaks dump shows that Clinton and her team are people who talk to each other like people. How many of us can say that if you took every email and private message you’ve ever written and made them all public that you wouldn’t piss a few people off? That’s why they’re called “private.” As for official correspondence, there was no malicious or criminal intent. Nobody got hurt and no harm came of it. Except, of course, that what should be a walk in the park of an election and the beginning of the GOPocalypse is now closer than we’d like to admit and the chances of taking back either chamber of Congress dwindles with each passing day.
In this troll’s opinion, Clinton will win. Bigly. She’ll blow Trump out in electoral votes. The popular vote, however, will be much closer than anyone would like to admit and that will affect our hopes at winning down-ballot, sticking Hillary in an Oval Office that may as well be a command bunker for a four-year battle with the Hill. She’ll have no choice but to replace the Resolute Desk with sandbags and hunker down for a struggle that will be much more difficult than Obama’s because of the continued assault from the right on issues that the public has been duped into thinking are important.
There will be investigation after investigation and then investigations to investigate the investigations and nothing will be accomplished. Meanwhile, Paul Ryan will spend four years holding up that stupid little “A Better Way” pamphlet that lays out a plan to do nothing while he uses his Eddie Munster looks and soft-spoken voice to offer a pleasant distraction from the gridlock between the Senate and the White House over the simplest of procedural matters, like confirming Clinton’s cabinet. If Ryan doesn’t make a run in 2020, the weight of his endorsement will hold a ton of water, all for doing…absolutely nothing.
All of this could have been avoided with a Democratic landslide. We were handed Donald Trump, gift-wrapped in a Billy Bush recording with 3500 lawsuits pinned to his ass. We were given a loudmouthed, bloviating hothead who isn’t qualified to run the fryolator at Burger King never mind the federal government. We were tossed a softball with such loft that a home-run was all but inevitable yet somehow, some way, we managed to swing and miss.
Now we’re not only faced with at least 2 years of gridlock, the possibility of an eight or even seven-member Supreme Court for the foreseeable future and a presidency that will spend more time in pointless congressional hearings than governing, we’re also faced with the horrifying possibility that the predictions could all be wrong and Trump manages to squeak out Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania, becoming the reason my family and I move to Montreal after selling our room reservation for the Inauguration on eBay.
This election has taught us a lot about our country. It’s taught us just how unbelievably misinformed the American public truly is. It’s taught us how many of our friends, family and neighbors were just aching to let the racism and hate inside them come out. We’ve learned how effective terrorism has actually been. We’ve learned how sad and lonely we are on an international scale as countries 1/10th our size with 1/100th of what we perceive as “patriotism” point at us and laugh over our failures on social matters and education, the two main factors that have brought us to the brink of Donald Trump.
Most of us do love you, Secretary Clinton. Your service to your country has been amazing. Unfortunately, in today’s polarized political climate, your success is also your downfall, as America continues to prove it still has quite a way to go. I booked that room for the inauguration months ago because my daughters will be there to see the first woman president inaugurated. I still look forward to that day. Still, I can’t help but think — even as a fantasy — that I wish I could go punch that ticket for Barack Obama one more time.