Wow! Can You Believe It? We All Get To Love Tomi Lahren!

Tomi Lahren, the obnoxious conservative blonde that your male high school buddies can’t help but share along with “man is she hot,” has suddenly gone from the most ignorant person alive to being applauded by liberals. It seems that while yelling over the audience approval meant for Joy Behar on The View, Lahren said the words “I’m pro-choice,” setting off a nuclear reaction in the world of politics that will hopefully end with this climactic rant.

Let me first start by saying…good for you, Tomi. You’ve managed to spend the last two years weaseling your way onto my newsfeed, where I just can’t help but watch as you get all angry and whine about everything from how wrong it is for men to accuse women of rape to how right it is for Donald Trump to grab you by the pussy. The flowing blonde hair and choker necklace combine ever-so-nicely with the look of disgust, no matter what the topic, to prove that beauty is, in fact, slightly less than skin deep — you ugly piece of trash.

I have personally heard you say that abortion is murder and that if you had your way women would be punished for it, so when the truth came out that as a “constitutional conservative” you don’t think the government should regulate what women do with their bodies, those of us with a memory longer than 14 seconds let out a laugh, gave you the finger across multiple social media platforms and reminded ourselves of what a horrible little twit you are.

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No, you freak…you’re not the “voice of middle America.” You’re the voice of an over-sexualized culture whose conservative side just loves to put hot little things in skirts and tank tops and listen to them scream about gun rights or how happy it makes them to fashion their man a sandwich. You’re a fraud of a sideshow and a one-trick pony. If you had a penis you’d be nobody. You’re the epitome of why Fox News appeals mostly to 68-year-old men who watch with the volume off. Your fans aren’t waiting for your next great revelation; they’re waiting for a wardrobe malfunction.

So no, Tomikins. I won’t be applauding your wonderful pro-life opinion. All you’ve done is make me question if you’ve ever said anything at all that wasn’t purely for the benefit of a television audience. Underneath the 24-year-old conservative girl who has figured out how to appeal to mouthbreathing Hoverrounders is just another hypocrite who probably voted Democrat until she scammed enough cash to need some Republican tax breaks.

Pick that crap up and get it out of here, stupid. You’ll be a nobody again by 30. Beck is already shitcanning you and don’t forget…Fox nixed Hasselbeck the second she looked too old for Roger Ailes to hit on. Yeah, we all know that’s what you’re angling for. Get in line…Abby Huntsman has dibs until one of the regulars gets an eye wrinkle.

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