You’re Forgetting About Mike Pence-You’re Forgetting About MIKE PENCE-YOU’RE FORGETTING ABOUT MIKE PENCE!!!

The one and only reason that the bulk of just to the left of batsh*t crazy Republicans settled down and knelt at Trump’s feet is that when it comes to Donald Trump, one thing is true: He will eventually do something so stupid he’ll have no choice but to quit or get out; he’s Donald trump. It’s the mantra for the 2016 election and it carried them through to positions of extreme power.

So…nevermind that in the end the Republican party is barely even bothering to hide what they are, which is a base of ignorance and fear that answers to and rallies for white Christian males and the almighty dollar. Nevermind that in the name of God they decry the threat of Allah, even though if you go looking for the kind of information hidden in books, both are the one true God of Abraham. It’s inconvenient to have anything in common with brown people. They all want to blow you up or they sacrifice chickens if they’re from Mexico. Even with the intentions of a GOP looking to bring back 2008 for some friggin reason, the Trumpanzee came stumbling out of the woodwork and slacked their jaws, dropped their knuckles to the ground and tossed their undying devotion at Lord Cheeto’s feet.

OK, so yadda yadda yadda…and Donald Trump is President. The day that happened people who truly just…understand…started looking over Orange Foolius’ shoulder, only to see Mike Pence standing there looking like the benevolent grandpa. Head slightly tilted and lips somewhat pursed, his eyes would close as he nodded in approval while good things happened to him as though he were standing at the gates with the Lord Himself. With that same calm and sweet old man smile we saw this guy also shake his head and — almost as if he had to remind himself that it wasn’t a joke — deny all of the things Trump had ever done or said while firmly wiping the floor with an accusatory Tim Kaine in a debate nobody cared about.

It’s time we start preparing for what is coming. In the wake of the loud, stupid and probably even a bit seditious events surrounding the end of the Trump administration, the Pence administration is going to step through the door, calm as a cucumber, pardon their savior, immortalizing him for all time, and calmly turn this country into the true truly demented conservative dream. Pence is an established, respected right-wing politician. He’s also a delusional religious fanatic who will see everything he considers evil on the chopping block to prove he loves the Lord and really, really hates Satan..

Yes, the threat of a global nuclear war will go down. Yes, the football will probably see more of the West Wing. Make no mistake. If Mike Pence steps into that office as President of the United States, we are truly looking at 2002 all over again. They put “Trumpcare,” which is the name of a bill that he’s most likely never read, out there so they can blame the Democrats when it doesn’t pass. Meanwhile, Obamacare is still in full force and the law of the land. Shhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone. That and some gerrymandering that has them in a firm grip until the 2020 census will get them through 2018, so we can count on Mike Pence to be there for us to smile and shake his head and blatantly say, “no…no, no…He never said that. No…No, no….No. Never crossed the man’s lips.”

Let’s not forget that Mike Pence was the guy in Indiana stupid enough to sign the RFRA, turning bigotry into “religious freedom.” In the end, pizza places wouldn’t cater weddings (Gawd we trolled them hard) and it cost the state millions in revenue from canceled events on massive scales. Donald Trump is such a blithering buffoon that they were able to sling THIS GUY on his shoulder and make him look moderate. The middle-class of Trump supporters are your standard misinformed teabagger. They needed a face from that genre. Assholes like Mike Pence pray their way through half of their campaign stops.

Progress back to where people made a sh*tload of money. Do that. Do that now. Deregulate everything. Make it so I can put an oil rig on my neighbor’s cousin’s lawn. Send my direct deposits through to Wall Street to see if they have a use for it first. No, you can’t borrow money to build a spec house. No profit in it. Here’s $6 million…go build an entire street. BUILD AND BORROW! BUILD AND BORROW!

The inevitable conclusion is and always will be the same. A flourishing housing market with new homes everywhere will continue to inflate until it explodes, leaving people with $250K loans for houses now barely worth $100K. Then comes the credit crunch. Once the amount of debt being traded as a commodity (take all the time you need to think about that), is too high and prospects of getting those debts paid too low, banks begin foreclosing in staggering numbers and the digits fall. The market collapses and the companies that insure the insurance companies are all that stand between the reset switch and the end of civilization as we know it.

And they don’t have the money.

We could play “Where were you in 2008” and if you were in the construction industry like me you remember the day the future died. The day you knew it would be years before things got back to normal and that even then it would never be the same. If you remember that you need to remember one thing more than anything else: Mike Pence can never be president. If you don’t remember that or really just don’t want to live it, Mike Pence can never be President.

That’s what’s standing behind Donald Trump looking like he’s about to introduce legislation to eliminate the X-Men (totally stolen). We’re almost better off letting the Butternut Bigot wave his arms around and drool on the White House carpets for a term. At least we’ll have good comedy.

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